I know you’re my ex-boyfriend, and I’m totally in a different and new relationship now.. but why does it still hurt reminiscing about these memories? .. like I swear I never try intentionally to think about it. I think and think, and wonder why am I in this position? I never tried to get myself into this. I could swear on anything.. It’s came to a point where it’s affecting my current relationship now, when clearly it shouldn’t. I love this guy a lot, enough to not leave him.. but then there’s you.. I have no feelings for you, but I know I just miss everything WE had.. it hurts a lot. It’s so unfair. I want to be happy. I want to be happy with my guy now, I want him, and only him. But it just doesn’t feel right… at all. It’s been a year already. Like come on now.. Maybe it’s cause today’s your birthday? I try to not let this affect me, but it just fucking does. Today was the day we had a million memories too. I know it. cause after a month, that’ s when we officially ended things. I remember EVERY LITTLE POSSIBLE DETAIL of this day.. last year. Hurts me.. just why. WHY ME.. ugh.. this is why sometime’s I wish I’ve never met you, but then again, if it weren’t for you, so many great things in life wouldn’t have happened to me.. including this guy I have now. Oh and you know what sucks, my favorite song of ALL time… yeah, it reminds me of you. I fucking hate it. It hurts. It just hurts. I’m hurt. ugh. I don’t even know what to type anymore. I could vent some more, but it’s not like you’ll even know how I feel. I wish YOU could change something about it since it’s about you.. but it’s not like it even matters anymore.. it just doesn’t. Not at all. It shouldn’t. But why do I think? Why do you still cross my mind? Why do I still expect you to be there for me? Is it because it was just too good to be true that it needs to be true? I don’t know. My sister knows all of this, and that’s a good thing. At least she could be there & help me get through this. She hates seeing me happy in a relationship, but thinking of this? I mean.. ugh.. Just I wish I was happy. I know I’m happy w/ my relationship, but overall, it doesn’t feel right at all. It hurts even more knowing that the guy I’m “in love” with now is affected by this. Everything happens for a reason though, right? .. I could only do so much. But I swear I’m trying. Lord please, help me. I don’t want to leave my boyfriend now. That’s the last thing on my list. I love him too much to let go, but not enough to let go of THIS… but it kills every day.. I don’t even have you D’Angelo as a friend on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.. I tried to ignore every connection b/w us. It took me 6 months, but I still couldn’t let go of what we had. I feel like if we could, we could work things out and be happy together.. but I don’t want that now do I? No.. not at all. I want Owen. Just him. but it doesn’t feel right! Heart or head? UGH. I’m mad now, so I’m going now. fucking shit.